Do you desire more connection and sexy spark, but aren’t sure how to get there? Is your body less responsive than it used to be and your arousal more elusive? Do you lack confidence you can satisfy your lover? Do you have a hard time asking for – or even knowing – how you want to be touched?

Here are some Tantric tips to get you started on the road to sexual satisfaction and soulful connection.

  Release attachment to the goal When you are focused on wanting to get there or get your partner there, you are in your head trying to figure out what is going to work or worrying about what is not working. You are future oriented. Yet, as Eckhart Tolle describes so eloquently, the only time we actually experience our life is when our attention is focused on the present moment. Tantra teaches us to approach sex from an entirely different perspective than our dominant culture. The goal of Tantric Sex is not orgasm, but rather to be exquisitely present in each moment. Bring attention to your sensations The most powerful way to get out of your head and become present is to focus your attention on the sensations in your body. Over time you will fine-tune your awareness to the vast subtlety of sensations available to you in each moment. You will be amazed at how expansive your pleasure becomes! To begin, simply bring an open “beginner’s mind” of not needing to know. Cultivate an attitude of curiosity and a willingness to discover that which you have never had access to before. Slow down It is impossible to feel all the subtlety of sensation and pleasure when we are rushing to get somewhere. The more you can slow down and savor each lingering caress, each kiss, each nibble, each breath,… the more pleasure you will reap. Make eye contact The eyes are the windows to our hearts. Sometimes we avoid eye contact because we’re afraid of being seen. We may fear, “If you really saw me, you would know X, Y and Z about me that I’m afraid is unlovable.” Make a practice of looking at each other with lovingkindness. Take a few breaths together sending warmth through your eyes. When we allow ourselves to be seen fully, undefended, we can finally receive all the love that is being given. Allow the connection to nourish you When orgasm isn’t the goal, success is measured by how connected you feel all along the journey rather than whether you cross the finish line. You may be surprised at how nourished you feel from slowing down and being present with each other in each caress and each moment of beholding each other. Your heart may begin to feel fuller and more content. A quiet joy may arise from within bringing buoyancy to your day. A peaceful mind may take root. You may find your body feeling more relaxed. You will likely feel less anxious and more at ease. When you realize that you no longer need to put pressure on yourself to perform, that in fact all you need to do is simply be yourself and show up, whole new levels of connection and satisfaction become possible.